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Archive for February, 2007

Which is Easier to Believe?

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 27th, 2007

This story is going to be pretty big. James Cameron unearthed some artifacts he believes are the final resting places of Mary, Joseph, and their kid, Jesus. Aside from the fact that James Cameron is now the embodiment of Indiana Jones, this discovery is pretty amazing and will surely be seen as tantamount to heresy. I’m quite sure no matter how many DNA tests they run on these remains, the religious wackos will still believe that Jesus rose up to heaven upon his death and that Mary, despite having a baby, was a virgin.

Never mind that these artifacts were found. Forget for a moment they exist. Let’s go back to last week when all was well in the wonderful world of christianity. All the christians felt warm and fuzzy with their belief in the following:

  • that an Invisible Man in the Sky somehow impregnated a woman on Earth and she gave birth to Jesus, the son of god;
  • this woman had no other children with her legal husband Joseph;
  • and oh, by the way, this woman was and always was a virgin;
  • Jesus later resurrected Lazarus, a man who had been dead for days and had already begun to rot;
  • Jesus was crucified by the jews and after he died, he came back 3 days later to say “what’s up” and he also appeared to various people in various places over the next forty days.
  • Noah’s Ark. ‘Nuff said.

There’s a much longer list of ridiculous things christians believe, but for the sake of brevity (and because I have to shower and go to work soon) I’m going to cut it short.

My point here is that christians find the above bullet list (among hundreds of others) easier to believe than the far more logical scenario: that Jesus was a human man who just so happened to fill the spiritual need of a handful of people. These people started the rumor that he was the son of god. People are sheep (need I provide examples of this fact?) and they went right along with it.

I can almost understand how this happened. After all, it’s more fun to believe something outrageous, isn’t it? I’ll admit it. It’s fun! If we were around back then, scratching around for jobs, food, homes, etc. and someone said they were going to listen to the son of god speak later today, who wouldn’t want to hear that? Shit, I got nothing better to do today! I got no job, no food…fuck it! I’ll listen to him, why not?

Well done, christians. Way to employ that critical thinking! Gold star!

Oscar Apathy

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 25th, 2007

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The Oscars are on TV tonight.  Normally, I watch this show each year because I’ve seen many of the performances and I want to root for my favorties.  But this year, the only nominated flicks I’ve seen are United 93 and Little Miss Sunshine.  Plus, there’s no acting or writing nominee that I’m a real fan of.  Consequently, I don’t really care how things turn out so much.  But the clincher: the fact that I retch at the thought of putting up with Ellen Degeneres as host.

Frank Zappa: Prophet

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 24th, 2007

This video is pretty interesting.  Frank Zappa appears on CNN Crossfire from 1986 and basically predicts with great accuracy how this fine nation is heading toward a fascist theocracy.

Another One Bites the Maternity Room

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 13th, 2007

As of early Monday morning, I’m now an uncle thrice over.

Dominic Van Epps and his exhausted mother are both well.

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Welcome to Earth, Dominic. Given the current state of things (economical, environmental, political, and educational) I cannot imagine what your life will be like when you’re my age. You may resent your parents in a far more profound way than we ever resented ours.

You Tell ‘Em, Vladmir

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 10th, 2007

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Vladmir Putin condemns the United States for trying to impose it’s will on the rest of the world in this story. Here’s a quote.

“What is a unipolar world? No matter how we beautify this term it means one single center of power, one single center of force and one single master,” Putin said. “It has nothing in common with democracy because that is the opinion of the majority taking into account the minority opinion. People are always teaching us democracy but the people who teach us democracy don’t want to learn it themselves.”

Oh, snap!

I realize that George Bush doesn’t give a rusty fuck what the rest of the world thinks of him. Nor does he care what anyone stateside thinks of him. Additionally, I cannot imagine history will be too kind to him. Jumpin’ George is clearly doing this whole president gig to make his friends some money and to empower the religious right. Those are the only “successes” he’s enjoyed.

So what kind of existence is that?

Not Caring Less

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 9th, 2007

This helpful little chart shows why you’re a moron if you use the expression, “I could care less.” That’s what we’re all about here at cvanepps.com: showing why you are a moron. Enjoy.

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When Astronauts Go Bad

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 7th, 2007

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This is Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who decided to attack a woman in Texas she believed was her rival for the affections of another astronaut. Well, at least she’s aiming higher than most of us.

The funniest part about this story is the fact that she wore an adult diaper so she didn’t have to stop during a 900 mile drive from Florida to Texas.

So one could say the intellectual elite are not exempt from getting a little cuckoo.  They are, however, smart about it.  Wearing an adult diaper so you can drive longer?  That’s just rock solid planning!

The Atheist Delusion

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 2nd, 2007

This is the best argument in favor of the existence of god that I’ve ever seen. The best. Enjoy!

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And here’s another one featuring Joe Rogan who talks about Noah’s Ark.

This particular video is interesting.

At the beginning, it’s Joe Rogan’s Noah’s Ark routine that he does as part of his stand-up act and it’s funny enough on it’s own. But later, some guy comes backstage to try to tell Joe about a big boat they found in an archeaological dig on Mt. Ararat in Turkey.

At the end of the video, Joe tells the man his theory about how the story of Noah’s Ark really got started. I’m not going to try to tell you that Joe got all the particular facts straight including his time references, but it doesn’t really matter. At the heart of it, it’s a very revealing interaction between a person of faith (who himself is masquerading as a man of science) and a person who believes in reason.

Seemingly no amount of reason can dissuade a person of faith and it’s the very definition of futile. That’s why debating the existence of god today is largely a time-killer and nothing more. The god-fearing can’t ever really hear what atheists have to say. Conversely, we atheists hear very clearly what the reverent have to say.

Did you ever ask a person of faith if they believe in miracles? I’m talking about the big ones: parting of the red sea, turning water into wine, and so forth. They get kind of uppity when you ask them. Why do you think that is? Because it’s downright embarassing for them to admit that yes, they believe Moses parted an enormous body of water so people could walk through it. But that’s faith in action. By design, it cannot be proven.

Super Bowl: Ok, So Who’s Playing?

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 1st, 2007

Seriously, I don’t know who’s playing “the big game” this Sunday.  Yes, I know I can easily check such a thing, but then I’d be unable to post this entry in earnest.  I’m going to guess the Rangers and the Padres.  Hee hee!

Oh No, Say It Ain’t So, Joe!

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on February 1st, 2007

No go for Joe, I fear.

Democratic senator from Delaware, Joe Biden, a man I respect and admire for his long-time public service, really screwed the pooch yesterday while announcing his candidacy for president.  He referred to Barack Obama in the following way.

“[Barack Obama is] the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

I understand what he meant, I think we all do.  But man, the ease with which this statement can be misinterpreted is quite frightening.