Movies I've watched recently:

Archive for July, 2006

Drug Companies: “Happy Birthday MTV, Your Check is in the Mail”

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 31st, 2006

So it seems that MTV turns 25 tomorrow and former Monkee Michael Nesmith, one of it’s early fathers, was heard to say “yeah but my mother invented Liquid Paper, which turned 52 the other day, so eat me.”

I don’t have a great deal of use for MTV, although I very much admired the film Hustle & Flow which was an MTV property, and I also laughed out loud at Jackass: The Movie.  But like most of America, I stopped watching MTV in the 90’s.

In the recent past, I’ve been heard to say that in addition to making questionable content accessible to millions of children, MTV has also made another questionable contribution to the youth of this world: Attention Deficit Disorder.  However, I always made such a comment with one-foot in the “jest” bucket, even though I felt that it was probably true.

And being that I value the truth so much, I figured I’d do a little digging to find more about ADD or ADHD as it’s known today, which stands for Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

In 1845, Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann, first alluded to ADHD with his series of children’s books about “Fidgity Phillip” which he wrote because he couldn’t find suitable materials to read to his 3-year-old son.  Twenty-two years later, the term “hyperactive” appeared in the Oxford English Dictionary.

In 1902, The English pediatrician George Still, in a series of lectures to the Royal College of Physicians in England, described a condition which some have claimed is analogous to ADHD.  Still described a group of children with significant behavioral problems, caused, he believed, by an innate genetic dysfunction and not by poor child rearing or environment.

The 1918, 1919 influenza pandemic left many survivors with encephalitis, affecting their neurological functions. Some of these exhibited immediate behavioral problems which correspond to ADD. This caused many to believe that the condition was the result of injury rather than genetics.

1934, Doctors in Providence, RI discovered that a group of children with behavioral problems improved after being treated with stimulant medication.

Ritalin became available in 1957.

I could go on with more detail but the point here is that I’m clearly wrong by blaming MTV for a disorder with such a long pedigree.

However, I can blame MTV for catering to children that have ADHD, making their condition possibly worse and helping create a vast market for the pharmaceutical companies. There I go with one foot in the “jest” bucket again!

So what’s the point of this post, other than to pad the blog with lengthy historical content? The point is that Michael Nesmith’s mother was a very creative person. Who’d have thought to paint over typewriter mistakes with a tiny little paintbrush!

In conclusion, Simon and Simon are not brothers.

How’s This For An iPod Accessory?

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 27th, 2006

From the Pages of “Duh” Magazine

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 26th, 2006

Lance Bass of ‘N Sync Reveals He’s Gay.

Well, he’s the last to know.

113.4 Grammer With Cheese

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 26th, 2006

When I was a little kid, I used to believe that everything was planned in great detail and the only people who didn’t know the plan were criminals and trouble-makers. I might have been 6 years old at this time (when I think about it, that sounds like the mindset of die-hard right-wingers…but this is not a let’s-bash-republicans-post, I swear).

It’s likely a slow realization as we age: a lost check in the mail here, wrong change at the supermarket there and soon enough, you’ve gotten yourself a big helping of real life.

Well, I’ve had a particular remembrance today, one that exemplifies this realization perfectly: the metric system. When we were in grade school, they made us learn the metric system: weight, distance, temperature, volume, the works. It’s an easy enough system to learn because it’s all based on multiples of 10 and for a kid in grade school, that’s easy stuff.

But I remember my grade school teachers said America had made the decision to convert everything to the metric system and what a big deal it was. They told me, “you’re going to need to learn how much 500 grams is compared to 1 pound and blarg, blarg, blarg!”

Needless to say, we never converted. So someone dropped the ball, yes? Were my teachers full of shit? Or was it a grand-scale screwup?

I did a little research and I discovered that in December of 1975, the Metric Conversion Act was passed. It was created “to coordinate and plan the increasing use of the metric system in the United States.” The Act, however, did not require a ten-year conversion period. So a process of voluntary conversion was initiated, and the U.S. Metric Board was established. The Board was charged with “devising and carrying out a broad program of planning, coordination, and public education, consistent with other national policy and interests, with the aim of implementing the policy set forth in this Act.”

Hilariously, the efforts of the Metric Board were largely ignored by the American public, and in 1981, the Board reported to Congress that it lacked the clear Congressional mandate necessary to bring about national conversion. Due to this apparent ineffectiveness, and in an effort to reduce federal spending, the Metric Board was disestablished in the fall of 1982. Chalk one up for Reganomics.

So basically, it WAS all planned out, my grade school was merely trying to prepare us for what they thought was inevitable, and the reason we don’t have 113.40 Grammers With Cheese at McDonalds is because of the apathetic American public.

Well, don’t I have a few grams of egg on my face?

Rooma-Zune-Zune

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 25th, 2006

Like it did with Sony over gaming consoles, looks like Microsoft is ready to step into the ring once again, this time with Apple over digital music. It’s iPod vs. Zune.

This Wired story paints Apple as the winner by TKO in the Microsoft bout. That may be true given Apple’s history of hardware design (and Microsoft’s). Plus, as an owner of several digital music players by Rio, Creative, and Apple, I can confidently say that the iPod is absolutely hands-down the winner in usability.

Anyway, I’d like to offer another viewpoint on Zune and Microsoft.

In a nutshell, the Zune is reported to feature wireless connectivity so that people can share playlists and music simply by standing in the same room. I’m sure Zuners will have the option of granting consent to such an intrusion but the sharing of music between players is an interesting element.

In order to get the required backing by the music industry, Microsoft would need to ensure that files are copy protected, the same way Apple has done. But wireless connectivity is a big feature of Zune! What’s the tradeoff? Something called “Controlled Sharing” which basically means files purchased on “iZunes” (or whatever Microsoft will call their online music site) will have a “copy counter” that keeps track of how many times a file can be transferred via wireless.

I already dislike the sound of “wma” files. This is Microsoft’s extension for their audio files. It’s basically Microsoft’s answer to the MP3 file. I don’t like the way it sounds and it’s likely going to be the de facto extension for the Zune. Yuck.

A larger issue is the perception that Microsoft is over-extending themselves. Microsoft is sticking their fingers in so many pies that Jack Horner has filed a patent lawsuit. But Microsoft is doing what it feels it needs to do to protect and extend the importance of their Operating System and Office software.

For instance, Sony was clearly targeting the PC with the PlayStation console. They’ve said so themselves. Microsoft saw this coming and made their own console, the Xbox, that can be tied to their primary business, thus extending it rather than keeping it siloed.

Apple has done the same thing with the iPod and it worked! Sales in Apple computers rose 12% in the 2nd quarter 2006. More than 50 percent of customers at its Apple stores are “new to Mac,” Apple chief Steve Jobs said recently at Macworld. So, similarly, Microsoft is now targeting that market. It’s protection by extension.

So it should be interesting to see how it all pans out.

This Old E-Mail vol 13

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 24th, 2006

This series of posts are workplace e-mails sent to me from 1998, back when e-mail was a relatively novel thing. Because of this, the jokes came by the truckload. Undoubtedly, your humor intake will vary.

A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.

“Open the safe,” he yells at the girl behind the counter.

“But we’re not a real bank,” she replies. “We don’t have any money, this is a sperm bank.”

“Don’t argue, open the safe or I’ll blow your head off,” says the guy with the gun.

She obliges and once she’s opened the safe door the guy says, “Take out one of the bottles and drink it.”

“But it’s full of sperm!” she replies nervously.

“Don’t argue, just drink it,” he says as he waves the shotgun in a threatening manner.

She pries the cap off and gulps it down.

“Take out another one and drink it too,” he demands.

She takes out another and drinks it as well.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the woman’s amazement it’s her husband.

“There,” he says “It’s not that difficult, is it?”

Women Drivers

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 23rd, 2006

Celebrating all that is female, the staff here at cvanepps.com are proud to present the Top Ten Women Drivers page.  Enjoy, ladies.

RiffTrax: I Wish I Thought of This!

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 21st, 2006

RiffTrax.com has paired with longtime head writer and host of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Michael Nelson, to create downloadable MP3 files that you play in sync with your own DVD movies. They’ve only made one recording for the unintentionally hilarious Roadhouse but more are surely on the way.

Here’s how it works. You play the MP3 file on your audio player. On it, Mike tells you when to press play on the Roadhouse DVD menu. At that point, the video and audio are in sync. Then you just have to balance the volume of the TV with the volume of your audio player. It sounds like the perfect way to keep the basic premise of MST3K alive and well.

The downloads are unrestricted MP3s selling for $1.99 each. Payment is made through PayPal (I knew it was too good to be true). But still, I hate that I didn’t think of this first!

iPoddownloadz.com: iLegal

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 20th, 2006

A couple days ago, I mentioned a service called ipoddownloadz.com, which was offering unlimited downloads of music, movies, and TV shows for a one-time fee of up to $39.95. Well, I’ve checked it out and I’m ready to make my report.

It’s basically Kazaa for iPods and it works in much the same way. It’s a program called MP3 Rocket and you can download MP3s, MPG, MPEG, and MOV files: basically all the kinds of files that can be used on your iPod.

In order to download anything, you have to know what you’re looking for and type the name of the movie title, artist, or TV show into the search fields. Hopefully, your fellow MP3 Rocket users have the file you need and that they’ll let you copy it off their computers. If not, you’re SOL.

What it isn’t is iTunes, which features a restaurant menu type of interface best suited for browsing.  I’ve never experienced a problematic download from iTunes, unlike MP3 Rocket, which gets it’s catalog from the active user-base. So it’s catalog will change from day to day without your knowledge. Not that you can ever see the catalog.

In short, ipoddownloadz.com totally illegal.  I expect they won’t be around too much longer.

However, it includes video conversion software that actually works pretty well.  I was able to convert WMV files to MP4 without incident.  Fast too.  Is the video conversion software worth the price?  I’ll get back to you on that.

Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 19th, 2006

Content is the Thing

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 18th, 2006

I’ve said before in this dumb blog that the only thing unique to the iPod was it’s content supplier, iTunes. I’d link it for you but ever since I updated the theme to cvanepps.com, I no longer have the ability to flip pages of search results. So you’ll have to take my word for it. I said it. Or at least, I said something like it.

Anyway, that sentiment rings more true than ever, especially since I received an iPod as a birthday present recently. It’s a fifth-generation iPod, the kind that plays video, and it’s really a remarkable chunk of engineering: it’s impossibly thin, stupifyingly easy to use, and it’s goddamn shiny as hell. So shiny, that it’s regularly covered with about a zillion fingerprints. So I was wrong about iTunes being the ONLY thing unique. The fingerprints are unique too.

But like I said before, content is the thing. Yes, iTunes has music, but I don’t really need iTunes for that. The thing that’s really cool and handy is that iTunes has audio books (I’m “reading” Confederacy of Dunces now) and it has television shows.

But not only does it have TV shows, it posts them, commercial-free, a few days after they air! The current DVD-release schedule for a show like “Lost” has them releasing the second season a couple days before the third season airs. That’s not enough time! Not for a fellow that had never seen the show until he rented the first season from Netflix and only finished watching the final disc last week.

So the fact that I can get the second season of Lost on iTunes means I can get caught up properly (read: watch the episodes multiple times) and I can do it without seeing a pitch (commercials). So now I’m all caught up on Lost and I’m ready for season three on ABC. Not that I’m suddenly willing to deal with commercials. I may actually cough up the $1.99 per episode for the privilege of not seeing them.

Plus I finally got around to watching Strangers With Candy, a show that everyone said I would love but I never got to see while it aired. Well, they’re being sold on iTunes and you know, it really is a hysterical show and I do love it. Season 5 of The Shield is available too. I’ll put that in my basket. And I’ve heard good things about It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That’s on iTunes as well.

There’s also this site called ipoddownloadz.com which touts the following deal: for a one-time fee of $39.95, I can download all the music, theatrical movies, and television shows as my li’l hard drive can hold. I’m not exactly sure how such an arrangement is legal, but I’ll look into it and report back.

Yes, content is king. Between iTunes and the near ubiquity of the iPod, it’s becoming ridiculously convenient to collect media.

Now, I just have to fix my search feature!

Animated Gif Day

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 15th, 2006

From the movie, The Big Lebowski:

For Shits & Giggles: Animated GIF Day

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 14th, 2006

Your guess is as good as mine.

Wow!

My New Hero

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 14th, 2006

Check this movie out. It’s a video of a guy telling George Bush to his face that he should be ashamed of himself. I love it!

This Old E-Mail vol 12

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 4th, 2006

This series of posts are workplace e-mails sent to me from 1998, back when e-mail was a relatively novel thing. Because of this, the jokes came by the truckload. Undoubtedly, your humor intake will vary. This particular joke e-mail is from December 2000, obviously.

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium”. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed”.

2. There is no such thing as “US English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn’t that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American “football”. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. “Merde” is French for “shit”.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called “Indecisive Day”.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

ERII

Happy Birthday, Pisser

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 1st, 2006

Pisser on the Danube

Today, the Pissinator turns 40! Yowza!

Currently, she can be found floating in a pool somewhere in Tampa with the rest of her goofy family. Here’s a list of nicknames I have for my loving sister:

  • Missy (yawn)
  • Misser-Pisser (now we’re getting somewhere)
  • Pisser (my all-time favorite hall of famer)
  • Plisser
  • Pissinator
  • Plister
  • Pither

Here’s some new ones I’m going to try this week:

  • Pistachio
  • Pistolla
  • Pistolero
  • Piston Rod
  • Piscina

Happy Birthday, Plisterine!