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Archive for July, 2005

Hovercraft, Part 4

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 31st, 2005

Fun was had by all at Shelly-Belly’s birthday party last night. I drank so much I couched it at Doug’s house and woke up with a real blazer of a hangover. I then stole a bottle of Dasani from Doug’s fridge and headed home at 8:30 this AM. I fully expected to go straight to sleep once I got back to the house. But something was calling me. Some sort of force from beyond was pulling me toward the studio to record the bass track for Hovercraft. I’d been meaning to do this yesterday but I decided to watch MST3K all day instead.

You see, I’d experienced some trouble with that bass line on Thursday night. It was striking me too fast at the time and I couldn’t transition very well. It didn’t look like I could do it at all. So we threw in the towel and called it quits last Thursday.

But this time things were different. I finished recording just now. Despite my hangover and after only two takes, I nailed the entire thing. It’s perfect and I never, ever get it perfect! I’m very happy with it, especially considering how much I like the tune!

So I guess I need to do all my recording the morning after a big bender. Weird.

Another MST3K Bender

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 30th, 2005

Once again, I’m going through my DVD collection of that hilarious TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000. I have every Rhino DVD they made and I’m waiting for more to be released! Volume 7 came out recently, which means watching all the new episodes only whets your appetite for additional riffing of bad cinema. :D

There are superfans out there that have all the episodes on videotape, even the original KTMA (Minneapolis) episodes from 1988. Many of them are even willing to trade them on DVDs burned from videotape. But I’m not quite that eager to see the episodes I’ve missed. No, I’m more than willing to pay for proper DVD releases.

The show was brilliant! It had a you’re-in-on-the-joke quality that very few television shows bothered to provide. It rewarded you for being a student of pop culture but at the same time, it was accessible to those who weren’t. It was one of the few things I liked about the 90’s.

For more info, see Satellite News

Hovercraft, Part 3

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 29th, 2005

With all the guitars completed, I made an attempt to do the bass track last night but I was unable to keep from screwing up. I’m going to have to try it again in a more sober state, as it’s a bit trickier than the bass lines I normally play. However, listening to the playback last night, Mike and I agreed that everyone should be pleased with what we’ve created. When will it be done? I’m going to try to put a fast-track on it and get it done soon. Still no deadlines though.

Mixed Feelings About Commerce

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 28th, 2005

I’ve seen blogs and other pages that fill every available space with some kind of pitch; ads for Vonage, eHarmony, ClassMates, IQ testing sites and all that shit. I’ve also seen blogs that are as spartan as mine and I generally prefer them.

On the other hand, I have CDs that aren’t doing anyone any good sitting in a warehouse somewhere. So if you haven’t sampled any of my tunes, this site is replete with full MP3 songs – mostly for free and at full 192kbps – for you to sample. If you like what you hear, then click the little icon on the top of this page. CD Baby will ship one out to you toot-sweet! If not, that’s cool too. :)

Hey, at least I’m not a corporate whore at the capitalist gangbang.

Hovercraft, Part 2

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 28th, 2005

OK, so Mike convinced me to do it his way. Hey, I know a good idea when I see one. Next up, recording bass. But not tonight. I’m going to try to make Alive at 5 and bring young Michael along before he has to head back home.

Hovercraft, Part 1

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 27th, 2005

So Mike Sweeney is here, recording Hovercraft, a wee little punk tune he wrote. However, he’s pushing back on learning the ending; a tempo-bending, anti-chord change type of thing that fits the song pretty well. I’ll get him to do it my way, just you wait and see.

Tumbleweeds…

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 26th, 2005

Not much to report today. Nothing in the news that interests me too much, other than the thing about the Teamsters losing 3.2 million members, which, of course, hurts the democrats. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I’d say something’s amiss in that story; perhaps an external GOP influence?

The American Legion

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 24th, 2005

Yesterday, I received in the mail a “certificate of nomination” to the American Legion for my status as a war-time veteran. Hell, I never took care of animals during the war!! [rimshot]

It says that if I served honorably on active duty for one or more of 8 different date ranges (each defining America’s involvment in various conflicts across the globe) plus $20 dollars (there’s the rub) then I’ll qualify for the many benefits that Legionnaires enjoy. The list of benefits is quite impressive: VA benefits, Veterans Employment and Training programs, discounts on a host of products and services like prescription drugs, computers, airline tickets, hotels, rental cars, etc.

Of course, I was never in the armed services of any kind. But I’m supposed to pay $20 to try to get all those goodies, right? Uh huh.

Ween Does it Again

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 23rd, 2005

With the release of Shinola vol. 1, the uber-eclectic New Hope, PA band has given us “odds and ends, b-sides, and other previously unreleased material.” Having listened to it for a few turns, I can’t imagine why this wasn’t released instead of the miserable White Pepper in 2000, which had, maybe, 3 good songs on it. Shinola vol. 1, as it’s title suggests, is the first in a series of b-sides. Well, if their b-sides are this good, they must use the dartboard method for choosing songs for proper releases because Shinola is a fantastic record!!

In clicking around on ween.com, I discovered they’ve returned from their “hiatus” that was prompted by some kind of meltdown while touring to promote Quebec, the follow-up/apology to White Pepper and the Live in Chicago DVD. They were absent at Bonnaroo this year and I received many comments lamenting this fact while I wore my “superhero” Ween t-shirt at the festival one rainy day. If they’re slated for Bonnaroo 2006, I’ll be there!

Wanted: Babysitter with a Roman Polanski Quality

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 22nd, 2005

OK, so this story doesn’t seem to be going away and since I’m a fan of his films, I have something to say about Roman Polanski. Morally, I think this guy is on shaky ground, at the very least. While it may be exceptional fortune that your wife is killed by cultmembers, it is really bad form to go around “porkin’ dollies” (as my Dad calls it) shortly after the funeral. I don’t doubt Polanski was groping models but what’s funny is the whole extradition thing. In 1977, Polanski was charged with statutory rape of a 13 year old girl and he has escaped jurisprudence by immediately jetting to France, where he has stayed ever since. Apparently, this guy can’t be stopped. I hear he’s seeing a pregnant French woman so he can date the fetus. In 2002, we rewarded him with an Oscar for directing the brilliant film The Pianist.

So just like Woody Allen, whose moral compass is also kept around strong magnets, Polanski will go down in history as a cinematically talented pervert.

Shout Out to Pat and Yuri

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 21st, 2005

While at Bonnaroo last month, our group hooked up with Pat and Yuri, the guys in the campsite next to ours. Pat wowed us all with his chilli-mac and drug soliciting prowess and Yuri helped me while I was vomiting. Twice.

So this is an official shout out to Pat and Yuri. What up, fellas?

On the Other Hand…

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 20th, 2005

…I prefer North Carolina over New York for two big reasons:

1) What little snow we get only lasts for 2 or 3 days out of the year, and when we do get snow, the entire region SHUTS DOWN because we have very limited snow removal resources. This is a good thing!

2) Everything’s cheaper. Homes, Cars, Gas, Landscaping, Groceries, Movies, Clothes, Insurance, etc. You name it, it’s less expensive here.

Yes, my electric bill is cheaper too which supports the getting-what-you-pay-for theory. I may complain about a southern this or that but I’ll never move back up north.

Powerless

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 19th, 2005

Continuing the At-Least-One-Post-A-Day-in-July theme…

It rained today. It was a small, little spitting of rain in the late afternoon, and it was barely enough to water the grass with. Despite such a pitiful downpour, power went out in many neighborhoods, including traffic lights and businesses.

More than I want George W. to be impeached, I want to understand how the Triangle area features an electical power grid that rivals third-world nations. I really do. You think I’m joking?

Some days, it doesn’t even have to rain. There could be no clouds in the sky…you’d get home and all the clocks in the house (microwave, coffee, VCR) are blinking. I now rely solely on the cable box to tell time with as I’ve gotten used to cuts in power. However, when I first moved into the neighborhood a few years ago, I actually called the electric company of Apex, NC and asked them why all the power outages? They said they’d research it and get back to me. I’m still waiting for their research to come to a conclusion.

“Casual” power outages might have to do with the rapid growth of the area. As power requirements rise in several newly developed areas, the power used by existing customers may tend to dip. This would explain why these cuts in power never last longer than a couple seconds. But must municipal growth go hand-in-hand with electrical problems? Is the Triangle the only part of the country experiencing growth? Surely other growth areas of the nation are blessed with an uninterrupted flow of electricity.

So ultimately, I think it’s the lackadaisical attitude of the south, in general. If the Town of Apex electrical division’s work ethic was a little stronger, I think we could supply uninterrupted power like the north enjoys. I hate to make south vs. north comparisons, especially since I consider North Carolina my home. In 20 years of New York residence, I can’t remember one power outage that wasn’t caused by reminants of a hurricane or severe weather.

Hey, them’s the facts.

Pick up, by Guest Blogger Nimsi Guzman

Posted by Nimsi Guzmán on July 18th, 2005

hi.. it’s been a while.. here’s something stupid to ponder about..why is that? guys are only interested in hearing themselves speak and not others, by others I mean women.. and yes, I’m generalizing.. don’t panic.. no need to write nasty comments now.. lets behave.. .. why don’t they listen?.. here’s something interesting that happened to me… lets talk about the usual pick up lines..I’m either walking down the street, having coffee at a startbucks, reading a book at B&N or simply shopping for clothes..

Here comes a guy, with a smile from ear to ear accompanied by the lamest line in the world.. Yes, he made his biggest attempt to try to pick me up… Of course, I understand.. He probably saw me way before I noticed him and he invested God knows how many minutes trying to decide if he can approach me or not.. When he elected to do so, something stupid comes out of his mouth… He’ll say something like “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen”. This bothers me.. Don’t attempt to flattery me with lies. So what does that mean?, that other than his mother he has not seen another woman and his mom must be pretty ugly.. Cause I know for sure that I’m not by far the most beautiful woman nor the most beautiful he has seen.. What is he telling me? He has no TV, never picked up a magazine.. I’m certain that either Playboy, Hustler, Barely legal or Penthouse must have beautiful woman.. Perhaps he invests his time looking at their body and never notices their faces.. ooh, no!.. I know what it is.. those interesting article.. he completely overlooks the pictures b/c he’s so engrossed reading those articulate and well written articles.. that’s what it is…

so guys are used to hearing no thanks, or perhaps a giggle here and there or ok, tee,hee, hee, here’s my number followed by a continuous flaps of the eyelashes.. I however decided to play a little game.. :) yes, I’m a sick, sick, sick individual and I yes, I do like to entertain myself sometimes at the expense of others.. Of course, I don’t harm anyone nor humiliate but I do tend to embarrass them once in a while and their reaction is what gets me going… love, it, love, looove it!

so let me get to the point.. This is how a guy misses the pitch when an unexpected curve ball is thrown at him.. So I’m minding my own business shopping..la, la, la,la… and I noticed this guy staring at me like a deer in a headlight.. I of course ignore him. I must confess I was not in the mood.. Not in my best behavior.. But I assumed that he was working up the courage to approach me.. So, the moment I saw him coming towards me from the corner of my eye, I decided to play a little game on him… muah, ha,ha,ha…

he came over, looked at me and said one of his corny lines followed by a ” and how are you today” .. ding, ding, ding… that was it!..the opportunity I was looking for… :O I looked at him straight in the eye, wiggled my eyes balls a little, as if I was searching my soul in his eyes (follow me on this, don’t get distracted), moisten my lower lip with my tongue just a bit, smiled lightly but very seductively and said.. How nice of you to ask, bless your heart for asking, since you’d asked.. and before he said anything, I proceeded by saying ..

well, I’m not doing good at all… I was hospitalized for like 3 wks , was released about 2 wks ago just to find out that I was laid off from work, my husband of 5 years was cheating on me with my neighbor, he stole all my money from my savings account and all of my jewelry.. locked me out of my own house that I bought w/ my money and on top of that has a restraining order on me.. I cannot not approach or set foot in my house.. need to keep a distance of 500 feet.. can you believe that? he attempted to say something and I cut him off….In addition to recently diagnosed lung cancer, I have this incurable rash spreading as we speak down my back and into my legs which little by little is eating away my skin.. I’m losing my hair. My eye doctor told me that I’m developing cataract which will eventually lead to blindness at my early age. Needless to say that my diabetes is nonmanageble and let me not mention my high blood pressure…

I noticed this poor man’s expression he didn’t know what to do or say all he wanted to do was run… he made a gesture to run around and leave and I gently and nonchalantly grabbed him by the arm and proceeded telling him my story.. My only sibling, my long lost sister whom I managed to find about 3 years ago passed away a month ago.. and b/c I was her only sibling I am responsible for her 5 children and the debts she left behind. I cannot find a job, I have chronic depression. I have no skills nor a degree.. Oh did I mentioned that as I was saying all this, I had a speech impediment.. yes, that’s right.. not only was I stuttering I was only chocking on my own words.. so I kept on smacking my chest and coughing every time I got stuck just to get the word out and his happened often.. So I’m not surprised if I managed to bless him with a few spits.. Finally after a few minutes which to him managed to be an eternity, I let go of his arm, smiled gently and said here’s my number, please do call me.. He paused, looked at the piece of paper where I was writing down my number and hesitated to grab it.. he said take care and walked away..

what’s up with that? the audacity of this guy.. interesting .. So this is what I don’t get guys..Don’t ask a question if you’re not willing to listen to the response.. I know this is an extreme example, but Gosh all I’m saying is, guys be prepare to sometimes here what you’re not expecting to hear and you know what.. THAT’S OK..

needless to say, I have not heard from this guy..

Poptop Program Actually NOT a Scam!

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 18th, 2005

Have you heard this silliness? For a couple months now, a friend of mine, Michelle Hilburn, has been collecting those little “poptops” (the little tab that pushes soda and beer cans open) claiming that it’s a Ronald McDonald House charity. Her zeal is such that she doesn’t hesitate to claw through public trash cans in search of those tiny pieces of aluminum. A Google on the topic has revealed that it’s actually not a scam like we’ve all been telling her. Who’d have thunk it?

So, I’d like to officially eat crow on my own blog.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I’ll complain any less when she reaches over and snaps the tab off my just-opened Coors Original, or whatever I might be drinking. Consider the target audience of such a campaign. I think it’s meant for elementary schools filled with kids who do not earn an income. If you’re a gainfully-employed adult, then bypass all that shit, write a check and be done with it! Will I be writing such a check? No, because I don’t give a rusty fuck about that charity. The point is, let the elementary kids collect those poptops so they can show school spirit and learn about philanthropy.

Harry Potter Can Fuck Directly Off

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 17th, 2005

As a matter of conscious choice, I’ve not joined the Harry Potter bandwagon. I’ve never read any of the books and I’ve only seen the films as they play on HBO. The films are alright, I guess. They’re entertaining enough.

But can someone explain to me why stories like this are commonplace?

“Wal-Mart rushed to calm shoppers’ worries and put a recorded message on walmart.com’s toll-free customer service number…”

Excuse me, folks, but I’m a little worried myself…it’s a kid’s book for fuck’s sake! There are plenty of books to read in the interim, trust me.

My Sour Experience With Sweetwater

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 16th, 2005

This is another story I’d been meaning to tell but never got around to it.

Sweetwater is a music technology retailer, specializing in high-end gear at reasonable prices. Not just musical instruments (which are available for much lower prices elsewhere) but professional recording equipment: effects racks, mixers, microphones, sound cards of all types, etc. They advertise in TapeOp quite a bit with testimonials about how great their service is and how their staff is so knowledgeable!

Hells Bells, I’ll let them tell you: this is copy & pasted directly from their site…

…when you call Sweetwater to talk to your Sales Engineer, you talk to your Sales Engineer, not get stuck in some frustrating, labyrinthine phone system. The only thing computer-like about our Sweetwater Sales Engineers is their encyclopedic knowledge of music technology equipment. When you have questions about your gear – when you want to know how to interface your equipment with the rest of your setup or need to figure out the best sync box for your system – your Sweetwater Sales Engineer can discuss your options with you and help you make the best choice for your gear. Call us now and experience the kind of in-depth, specialized knowledge Sweetwater is known for.

I’ll try and spare you the boring, nitty gritty details but the dilemma in my home studio was being able to simultaneously use multiple digital devices of differing interfaces. You see, when you record digitally, you’ve got to have the devices “locked” or in synchronization. If you record with digital devices out of sync, then the recording sounds bad.

Additionally, in my experience, you can’t “daisy chain” digital devices. In other words, you can only get a good sync-lock between two devices without requiring anything other than the sound cord. Mind you: TWO devices. You cannot add a third digital device to this mix because a) there’s no way to physically do this because different devices have different interface options and b) you would lose synchronization anyway, because of the way word clock sync works. I’m simplifying things here because I want this blog entry accessible to everyone.

I had three digital devices: two rack modules and the PC. So my dilemma was getting all my digital devices to play nice with one another.

Now, reading things like the above quote on Sweetwater’s website and seeing their ads in TapeOp made me think, “Hey, I’m stabbing away in the dark if I decide to simply buy a bunch of gear and hope it all connects together. I should call these guys and see if they have a solution I haven’t thought of.”

So I called Sweetwater and got ahold of “Scott,” one of their Sales Engineers. Scott was a decent fellow throughout our mutiple discussions. I gave to him the list of my devices and what I wanted to accomplish.Additionally, I said, “If I need more gear, that’s fine. I just want to be able to use all the gear I paid for.” Scott said he certainly understood and that no one expects to lose the use of one digital device when you buy another.

Exactly what I was thinking!! What I really wanted was for Scott to casually say, “To get those three digital devices to communicate, you need A, B, and C. Here’s how you hook them up. Here’s our prices on those items.” But it didn’t happen that way. Scott went on to tell me there shouldn’t be any sync issues if I just hook them all together with standard S/PDIF cable (which is what I have).

I said, “Well, no, Scott. That’s what I’ve done. Doing it that way means I can’t get a lock. I’ve tried multiple times. It doesn’t work.”

“Ok then,” Scott replies, “how about an Apogee Big Ben Master word clock generator.”

“Now you’re talkin’ like Christopher Walken!” I say, not knowing much about the thing. “Will that hook up to all my devices?” I query.

“It should. It’s a pretty popular box,” he says.

A few clicks here and a few clicks there on the website reveals that the Apogee Big Ben sends word clock data via BNC ports, none of which are found on any of my digital devices, including the sound card in my PC.

“Uhh, I’m not sure that’ll work, Scott” I say. “I’m short on BNC ports.”

“Oh. What about the S/PDIF or AES/EBU inputs?” he asks.

As he’s asking me these things, I’m thinking…wait a second. Why the hell am I telling him about daisy-chaining not working and why is he asking me whether certain interface options will work?? HE’S SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS SHIT! What about all that “encyclopedic knowledge” stuff? Scott tells me he’s gotta consult with the engineers and he’ll call me back. Fine.

Couple days later, Scott did actually call back. He told me that according to the Sweetwater engineers, the Big Ben should do the trick.

“So how do I hook it up?” I asked.

“You connect your racks and your PC to the Big Ben and there should be a single word clock signal.”

“What I’m asking is how do I connect all these parts? Specifically. I mean, do I go S/PDIF from rack 1 to the Big Ben, then AES/EBU from rack 2 to the Big Ben? Or do I connect rack 1 to rack 2 and THEN connect it to the Big Ben? If so, connect it with what kind of cable? And we haven’t gotten to connecting the PC yet. How do I do that once the racks are connected? What do I connect it to the PC with?

And what about setting the racks to either send or receive lock signals? Which racks get what settings for when I hook all this stuff up? Will both racks be receiving lock signals from the Big Ben or what?”

You see, I’m a moron. I am pretty lost when it comes to this stuff and I want an iron-clad plan for connecting everything up before I make a purchase. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

The point here, friends, is this: if you’re going to claim encyclopedic knowledge and the like, then let it shine, baby! Don’t let the customer confuse himself with his own preconceived notions. Worse is allowing the customer to confuse the retailer. There should be no confusion. For instance, if I’m confused and there really is a way to daisy-chain these devices, then sell me something that makes it work. On the other hand, if I’m right about daisy-chaining not working…then sell me something that bypasses that limitaion. I’m pretty sure that’s what this situation is made of.

As it stands today, I’m still without a solution. I may sell one of those digital racks on e-bay just to get rid of it.

Chocolypse Now

Posted by Christopher Van Epps on July 15th, 2005

This little comic strip is pretty funny. Chocolypse Now.

Reading this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory spoof made me think of the vocal-harmony-as-the-centerpiece-of-powerpop-rock band Veruca Salt, and what ever happened to them?? They rocked like a cock fight.

A quick Google on the topic reveals that the band’s main core: Louise Post and Nina Gordon had some kind of falling out shortly after the Eight Arms to Hold You tour in 1997. Since then, the Salt seem to be undergoing something of a revival. With renewed label interest and fresh song material, they’ve got a new record coming out in 2005. Maybe.