HAVE FUN! < --- It's like that old boardgame from the 70s, Operation, except it takes a much steadier hand.

HAVE FUN! < --- It's like that old boardgame from the 70s, Operation, except it takes a much steadier hand.

In this story, the Concerned Women of America (CWA) oppose Chris Rock hosting the Oscars, citing his fondness for vulgar language.
CWA said: “Hollywood seems intent on spreading vulgarity far and wide. So the F-word-spewing Chris Rock might actually be the perfect Tinseltown ambassador.”
I have the solution. It’s so simple and perfect, it probably hasn’t occurred to that august body, the CWA. My solution allows them to 1) keep their opinion, 2) not be subjected to Rock’s style of humor and 3) not impede others from watching.
They shouldn’t watch the show. See? Everyone wins!
The Oscars ceremony will take place on February 27th.

1937 – 2005
“Holy Shit.” That’s what I said when I saw this story. That guy was really crazy; crazy like you read about. He’d been screwing around with guns for years, including injuring one of his assistants. He had a small mention in one of my songs, Ben Fong-Torres, another journalist who had strong ties to Rolling Stone magazine back when it wasn’t a 200 page advertisement. Spaulding Grey, Elliot Smith, and now Hunter Thompson.
Wow.
Hunter Thompson was 67. His fishing hat was 42.
Grethel, my sister-in-law, has been camera crazy with that kid of hers. She’s been sending pictures way faster than I can find time to post but today, we’re completely up to date. Check out the new Allison page, which has been redesigned to accomodate future pics. At the rate these pics are coming in, this redesign was wise.
I finally found some time to write about the special Director’s Cut DVD of Donnie Darko, a film that was completely ignored here in America, but has found instant cult status in the UK and other worldwide audiences. Richard Kelly, the director, has added quite a bit of additional footage to his film about second chances, sacrifice, and hope, but I’m not sure it makes the film better. The Director’s Cut certainly makes Donnie Darko easier to understand, but sometimes that’s not an improvement.
In addition to the new material inserted in the theatrical cut, there’s a second DVD filled with many extras. There’s a production diary made by the filmmakers, a small UK-produced documentary about the amazing cult success of the film and how stupid American movie audiences are (which I completely agree with), and the “Darkomentary,” which was named the winner of the donniedarko.com contest to find the number one fan of the film. The grand prize?…the winning entry would appear on the special features of this Director’s Cut. The winner, Darryl Donaldson, created a hysterically funny short film which he basically demonstrates that he should be the winner of the contest by showing in great detail his obsession, including stalking the likes of actor James Duvall, who plays Frank the rabbit and director Richard Kelly.
When I first saw Donnie Darko, it reminded me of It’s a Wonderful Life in reverse, A Wonderful Death, if you will. I loved it but I prefer the theatrical cut of the film, which I already own on DVD. I don’t think this Director’s Cut was necessary because it’s basically a spoon-feeding of the film to the more confused audiences, which was ironically the main indictment of the UK documentary appearing in the special features.
Richard Kelly has got some ante-upping work to do for his next film. My advice to him would be to aim low for his next project since it’s going to be pretty tough to top this one.
The Garden State claims that Blockbuster Video violates the state’s consumer protection laws by not fully disclosing the details of the video chain’s “No Late Fee” policy. This story has all the crucial ingredients for a good rant…
When I first moved to New Jersey back in ‘92, I had to take a second job to make ends meet (mental note for future post: the story of how I came to be in New Jersey in the first place. Now there’s a good rant!). That job was Blockbuster Video. As employees, one of the tasks we were charged with was the late list. This was a 10 page or so list of people who owed late fees and when it was your turn to do the “Ballbuster List,” you knew what you had in store for you: very unhappy people. Late fees for video rentals has been the bane of the video industry since there has been a video industry. Hell, they even created a digital video format (remember Divx?) to combat late fees. It took Netflix to finally craft a graceful solution but the bottom line is late fees has cost Blockbuster many customers.
I’m no fan of Blockbuster Video. Since Netflix, I haven’t rented there at all but it’s not because of late fees. I oppose the way they force the studios to submit “family-friendly” cuts of certain films so they can occupy shelf space. The fact that Blockbuster does not deny rentals to anyone, no matter how young they may look, should not mean that I have to view a watered-down cut of a film. For example, I never want to view Requiem For A Dream in any other way than what the director had in mind: Jennifer Connelly naked! Yummy yummy! Daddy likey!
But I’m getting off topic here.
The point is that Blockbuster Video assumed people understood “No Late Fees” didn’t mean people could rent DVDs and never return them. They assumed their customers were reasonable people who knew there was some consequence to keeping a DVD rental past its due date. Surely people couldn’t be so stupid to believe such a claim as “No Late Fees” without reading the fine print. Well, that was Blockbuster’s blunder because some people really are that fucking stupid. I don’t think Blockbuster is in the wrong here but it wouldn’t have hurt them to make the rules a little clearer.
The New York Times has an interesting story about the origin of the standard paper target used in gun clubs, police firing ranges, even films.

This story comes from the New York Times and it’s about the United States’ design for robots having a prominent role in future military endeavors.
Have we learned nothing from the numerous warnings that Hollywood has provided? What’s to stop these machines from one day pulling a switcheroo on us? “Are you Sarah Connor?”
This story is very freaky. It’s about these twin brother gynecologists who swap in and out of each other’s offices to fuck with their patients. Anyone remember Dead Ringers?
Hello again my friends, how are you? It’s been a while, I will try not to bore you with my thoughts and or complains.. Well, what can I say?..
I’ve been thinking for the passed 18 years on how to break away… I’ve been trying not to follow the norm, to break subliminal conditionings that society has been trying to impose on me. Since the age of 12, I’ve been rebelling against it and I have accomplished it… My fight against all societal conditions vary from a way of thinking to how society wants me to behave. I’ve even tackled Holidays if possible.
Well, today happens to be one of those Holidays that I’m completely against. Yes, you’ve read it right. I have a problem with St. Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong I’m a romantic. I’m a sucker for romanticism, I must say… It’s my weakness.. So you’re probably wondering or perhaps saying to yourselves right now, this girl is full of contradictions. St Valentine’s Day is one of the most romantic days out of the 365 days in the year.. I seriously don’t think so.. Let me illustrate why it’s not romantic, at least to me…
first, you have to start thinking months ahead, what it is that you would like to do on this so called “Special Day” . Perhaps you start planning sometime in November or December if you really want to be creative. Then after you’ve figured out what you’re going to do, you start calling in January the places you wish to go to make reservation. If you’re lucky you find one if not, then it’s back to the drawing board… Well, lets keep everything in a happy tone… You manage to get that reservation you were hoping for. Lets say you want to spend the night at a Hotel in NYC lets say the Hudson Hotel or The Marriot in the heart of the city. Where it usually will cost you btw $150-$179.00 dollars a night, just because it’s Valentine’s day, you’ll be paying double. Fine, you have the money , then cough it out.. You got that nice room overlooking Times Square.. sweet..
Then it’s the restaurant reservation, you’ll tackle next. Well, this time you were not as lucky.You called 20 different restaurant and they have all been booked. So, you managed to find a reservation at TAO. It’s a nice restaurant but not the one you had in mind. Fine!.. What else can I do to make this time extra special? you wonder.. oh yes, flowers.. You buy him/her flowers either online or at your corner florist.. guess what?.. That beautiful bouquet that you’re so used to seeing on the window sill for $25.00 is now $90.00 dollars, same arrangement, same flowers, same vase, nothing has changed but, why is it more, way more than then original price?.. well, my dearest here’s your answer, b/c it’s St. VAN-LETS-ROB-THE-PUBLIC-TINE’s Day. But you say, that’s not enough, I want him/her to feel even more special, you go to the mall to pick up a gift and a box of those sinful, self indulge, intoxicating, addictive but yet good for your health and soul chocolate.. ok, ok.. I love chocolate, dark and milk chocolate.. hate anything with nuts or peanut in it.. sorry, got a little side tracked.. back to my thoughts.. again, overly priced.. that’s fine, you pondered..
As you’re driving through the mall’s parking lot, swarming around, going in circle for hours looking for a spot your subconscious is letting you know to brace yourself.. your muscle around your neck and upper back constrict, your legs are becoming lighter and lighter b/c your body knows that the moment you step foot through those revolving doors at the mall that is it.. you’ll be fighting against a sea of people whom are shopping for the same thing as you… After you manage to wrestle your way into the mall and finally, the counter to speak with a sales person, she manages to muster the words that you dread to hear.. Sorry we no longer have that item, its sold out… aarrg!.. now, you’re wondering aimlessly through the store, decide to stop by the food court have some coffee and relax a bit while coming up with a plan ‘B’.. What else can I get my loved one? I really had my heart set on that item.. an isolated, crystallized tear is now forming in your eye.. You’re holding it back.. Your disappointment is overwhelming you but you don’t want this experience to ruin your valentine, so you once again brave the crowd and storm into the store and get the 2nd best item for your loved one. Not what you really wanted but the gift that with an explanation of what happened, will just do and hope that your loved one will forgive you and still love you…
So the most anticipated day has arrived. It’s Valentine’s day.. you take your loved one to the restaurant, while you’re driving to the restaurant you’re thinking, darn it, this was the last resort.. hope he/she likes it.. You approach the hostess, lets her know you have a reservation but still you have to wait at least 1 hr to be seated b/c the prior party is still dining, so I ask you, what’s the point of having a reservation?.. After 1 or 2 hrs of waiting, you finally sit down at your table.. This is it, this is where we’re going to connect on a spiritual and emotional level, this will make the next event , the romantic night at the Hudson Hotel or Marriot more memorable.. You decide, let me take my time to really enjoy this moment with the person I love.. NOT!.. here comes the water boy, throws the water glasses on your table somewhat splashing it a bit on the table cloth, then rushes to the next table b/c it’s so darn crowded he doesn’t have the time to make eye contact or at least be courteous.. Here comes your 2nd favorite person of the night, the waiter (tres).. During normal business hrs this person will chit chat a bit, ask you how your doing then move on to the special.. No, no.. not today.. He barks the specials all in one sentence leaving there speechless.. You sit there, looking through the menu and at the same time unpuzzeling this crossword puzzle of a dinner special that the waiter just barked.. You finally give up and say to yourself, heck with the special… You dinner turns into everything but a special moment btw you and your loved one. The food was rushed, when you needed something else the waiter was nowhere to be found, the food was cold, and you walked out of there feeling like a walking dollar sign, perhaps something of a lesser value, a Mexican Peso, b/c all that mattered was your money, not you as the customer. You swore never to go back there again during any holiday and for days, you wondered was it special?.
Well, let me not bore you some more with my anti-Valentine’s Day shenanigans… All I’m saying is that lets break away from the norm, from what society wants us to do.. Lets not commercialize our mere existence.. Has our escence been classified like an advertisement?.. Lets break away now.. If you want to share a special moment with your loved one pick any day but Feb 14th, this will make your special moment memorable for the both you in addition to creating a spiritual and emotional connection that St.Valentine’s Day will never provide. B/c this random day, will make your loved one feel exactly how you see him or her as that SPECIAL person, the person you really LOVE.
Have a great day, my dearest friends,
If you jump over to one of my brother’s pages, he’s arranged a few humorous tidbits. Enjoy!
Local egghead Gal Zauberman, a consumer-behaviour researcher at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, says that people tend to overestimate future free time.
My car is back from the grave, looking nearly good as new. The rental I drove for a week, a Ford Focus, was truly a miserable driving experience…too small and too much work required to drive it: it has “half-power” steering and Fred Flintstone brakes. These annoyances were much more noticeable when I left the body shop today. The Taurus (while having many problems of it’s own) is a dream in comparison. So now that I’ve dumped a few hundred dollars back into my car, I shall be keeping it for many more years.
This story is pretty funny about some chick who was scalped.
I don’t mind admitting that I derive joy out of idiot’s suffering. Is that wrong? Thanks Beaverman.
Located here.
“Deathticle”…Absolute genius.
“Meester Dooog” Doug Lahman just sent me this story of a Welsh man who used a knife to emancipate his nuts from his body in celebration of Wales beating the tar out of England (Craig Howarth, are you reading this?) in rugby, which is a game that confuses me as much as the celebratory actions of it’s fans.
Congrats to the Pats for winning yet again. This post has nothing to do with football, however. It’s about the Fox Sports musical score, the football theme song.
Directly after the introduction of the regal-sounding theme, which is something like two measures worth, there comes a bouncy little melody that’s strangely familiar. Every time I hear it, I sing: “Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, let’s go! Let’s look at the show…” That’s right, it’s the exact same melody for your favorite Christmas song and mine, Sleigh Ride!
I’m sure I’m not the first person to notice this, because it’s so obvious. But how can this have gone on for so long? Does Fox Sports pay royalties to the copyright owner of Sleigh Ride? They must have done this on purpose because they made no attempt to hide their plagiarism at all! It actually makes perfect sense: winter time, holidays, football. It’s just kind of weird.
Today, the Super Bowl shall dominate most of the television ratings and occupy everyone’s time. Except mine, of course. In fact, a friend at work just about laughed out of his chair when I asked who was playing. I can’t explain why sports just doesn’t do it for me anymore. And of all places to live (home of NC State, Duke, UNC, and all their basketball / football iterations), it would be much much easier to just get into it and have something to contribute to 90% of all the conversations here. But such an interest is difficult to fake. Talking about sports quickly reveals how much or how little you know on the subject.
But anyway, Happy Super Bowl to all you sports fans. I hope you get to see some more titty.